Bella's Home Videos
by ZeenoMCR
Summary: Charlie brings a box of home videos to the Cullens' house. Contains an embarassed Bella, cursing Emmett, hilarious videos, and family fun! You have been warned!
1. Chapter 1

"I'm bored!" Emmett yelled once again.

Once again, everyone replied, "Shut up, Emmett."

It was a sunny summer day; a boring day for me and the Cullens. They had all tried to convince me to go out and have fun, but they had each lost that battle (especially Alice, who had told me to go out and go shopping or something). It was a huge surprise when you began to hear tires grating at the gravel of the Cullens' driveway. Edward said, "Charlie's coming."

O...kay? Why would Charlie, of all people, be here? Everyone had to wait until the doorbell rang before Esme got up and answered it. She said, "Hey, Charlie. How are you?"

Charlie mumbled gruffly, "Fine. I've got something for Bells. It came earlier from one of her little friends in Phoenix."

Friend in Phoenix? Did he mean Lyla or someone? Lord only knows what one of them would send. I got up and went to stand beside Esme. I said, "Hey, dad. What's the package?"

Charlie mumbled, "I think some of your old videos you and those girls did."

My eyes widened and I groaned, "Dad! Why would you bring them here? They're _embarassing!_"

My cheeks went bright crimson to accentuate that fact. Charlie's shade of red matched my own as he said, "Sorry kiddo. I figured the Cullens would like to see some of your, uh, crazier days."

I went even brighter red and grumbled sarcastically, "Yeah, thanks a lot dad. I _totally_ owe you one."

I took the box from him and said a little louder, "You're cooking dinner tonight, I hope you know that!"

Charlie whined, "Bells!"

I grinned and said, "See you later, Dad."

Then, I went inside and set the box down. Alice was the first to pounce, ripping the box open, tossing me an envelope that had my name scrawled across it, and digging through the videos. I pulled a note out of the envelope. It read:

_Hey Bellsby!  
I heard that you've got yourself a hot new bo. Good for you, hun. I just wish I hadn't heard it from your MOM! I mean, c'mon, man! Anyway, you'll thank me for this sooner or later! Do not come down to Phoenix and kill me! I have connections, and I can be long gone, Bella.  
-Lyla_

I gawked at the letter. Ohmigod. '_I. Will. KILL. Her._' I thought, glaring daggers at the paper.

Alice said, "Found one. This one is _GP Work_. What is a GP?"

I groaned, putting my head in my hands, "My friends and I made a club called Girl Power and we made a bunch of super crazy videos. Okay?"

Alice grinned and put the DVD in.

_"Oh my jeez. I am so bored. Someone hold me, I might pass out!" Lyla crowed, always the drama queen, from her cash register._

_Jess's voice came from behind the camera, "Good Lord, Ly! Why are you _such_ a drama queen?"_

_My voice came from behind a clothing rack, "Because she's Lyla and she can."_

_I stepped out from behind the rack of designer clothes and asked, "Why are we working here again?"_

_Mary said from where she was sitting on the bottom of a shopping cart, "Because we need cash and we were bored. And Lyla thought it would be fun to work around clothes all day."_

_Lyla whined, "It _is_ fun!"_

_I retorted, "Is not! Some of us hate clothes anyway!"_

_Lyla snapped, "If it's not fun, I'm the Queen of England."_

_The rest of us began humming God Bless the King at the same time. Lyla glared at us and ran off towards the bathroom, face red in anger. I had to hold myself up on the counter to stop myself from falling over laughing, "Oh my god! That was just priceless! Did you see her effing face?"_

_Mary squealed, "IKR! The drama queen has taken off!"_

_Jess grinned, "I love this!"_

_Then, the video cut to black as our manager walked in._

Rosalie called picking next. She reached into the box and read the labed, "This one's called _Bella singing The Call_."

I groaned. Not that video. Please, lord no!


	2. Chapter 2

_The screen was blue for a second and then it showed what looked like a crudely made train station. I (dressed in World War II-era clothes and probably only 12 years old) was standing on stage with a boy that looked maybe a year older. He hugged me (of course, the cootie thought kicked in and he made a face) and headed to the train. The piano started and I began singing._

_**It started out as a feeling  
Which then grew into a hope  
Which then turned into a quiet thought  
Which then turned into a quiet word  
Then that word grew louder and louder  
'Til it was a battle cry  
I'll come back when you call me  
No need to say goodbye**_

_**Just because everything's changing  
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before  
All you can do is try to know who your friends are  
As you head off to the war  
Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light  
You'll come back when it's over  
No need to say goodbye  
You'll come back when it's over  
No need to say goodbye**_

_**Now we're back to the beginning  
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet  
Just because they can't feel it, too  
Doesn't mean that you have to forget  
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger  
'Til they're before your eyes!  
You'll come back when they call you  
No need to say goodbye  
You'll come back when they call you  
No need to say goodbye...**_

_The camera shuddered and turned to show Mary's face. She said, "That was Bella singing the song for her play. I haven't really been watching, but I surely watched that! So the song's _The Call_ by Regina Spektor."_

_Then, the camera fell over and shut off just as you could hear someone cuss, "Aw, sh-"._

I went delicate pink and hid my face in Edward's chest. Of course Mary would be filming that. I would have to yell at her later. Alice managed to pull me out of hiding and said, "That was really good, Bella!"

I grumbled, "No it wasn't. I had laryngitis that weekend, so don't lie to me."

Everyone chimed in it was good and I said, "If y'all are going to embarass me, I'm choosing the next video."

Then, I lept off the couch and pulled out one of the less offending ones, labeled _Halloween w/ the Crazies (feat. Mary's sister, Derek)_. That hadn't been too bad, just some jokes that made us sound like we were crazy-asses on crack. I handed it off to Alice, who put it in the DVD player.

_The camera was being pointed at the stairs as Lyla walked down, decked out in clothes that made her look like a Malibu Barbie. She posed and a voice came from behind the camera, "Ly! You look totally like a Malibu Barbie doll."_

_I recognized the voice as Lyla's cousin, Samantha (but she was called Sam). Lyla chirruped, "Thanks! That's exactly what I was aiming for!"_

_Mary came down next, looking like Pocahontas. Lyla and Sam cat-called. Jess came down, dressed like a devil. I walked down next (dressed as a girl going to a club) and said, "Guys, Derek's still in his room getting ready. I mean, c'mon! What's he going as anyway?"_

_Mary said, "I think it's Dracula or something."_

_I snorted, "Yeah, coz he looks _so_ much like how Dracula was depicted. In all his emo-hair and blue eyes! Derek's gonna need a lot more than some powder to get the vampire look."_

_Lyla said, "No cheese, Cathrine Obvious."_

_Jess asked, "Lyla?"_

_"Yeah?" replied Lyla._

_"IT'S CAPTAIN OBVIOUS, YOU NUMBNUTS!" Jess yelled in Lyla's face._

_Lyla shrunk back and mumbled, "Sorry."_

_Then, Derek walked downstairs. The tense atmosphere faded as I fell on my butt laughing. He looked like a moron. Mary sniggered, "Look, it's Count Idiota."_

_Derek had gone all out with the cape and the old clothes. But... jeez. He was sorta tan with blonde and black hair and blue eyes. Jess said, "What's that, your grandpa's costume?"_

_Derek corrected in a mumble, "It's my dad's. And the reason Mary and I exist."_

_Everyone took a step or two back, even Mary. "Ewwww..." I drew out the word, stretching it into about five syllables._

_Mary grumbled, "And I am related to him how?"_

_Jess said, "Okay, let's go before Moron McGee makes us not go cause of garlic and crosses."_

_Derek asked, wide-eyed, "Will that stuff really happen...?"_

_I said, "Dude! You're sixteen. Be a man!"_

_Everyone laughed and the camera shut off_

Jasper laughed, "He reminds me of Emmett."

Emmett grinned and then yelled, "HEY!"

I grumbled, "Uh, Em? Human, here. Sensitive eardrums."

Everyone else was still trying to control their laughter (including the so-called parents). I let out an unintelligable growl and slumped back on the couch as Emmett went to pick one. "Here we go!" Emmett boomed. "It's _Playground Fight_."

I groaned. Oh, what fun.

**Ding! It's done. I've put some pictures up on my profile. Jess, Mary, Lyla, and Derek are some of the ones that'll end up there. So go check my profile!  
~TWC~**


	3. Chapter 3

_"LEMME GO, LY! I'M GONNA KILL HER!" was the first thing you heard when the video started._

_Lyla was holding me, speaking soothingly, "Nothing'll change if you kill her. There'll still be murmurs."_

_I spat, struggling in her arms, "That's why! If I beat her up, they'll stop!"_

_I managed to wrench free and I ran, flanked by Jess, Mary, and the person carrying the camera. I remembered it was Derek. Lyla reluctantly followed. I stopped in front of two girls and said sweetly, "Hi, Pam. Hi, Debbie."_

_Pam took one look at me and fled. Smart girl. Debbie sneered, "Oh, look. It's the little bitch."_

_I growled, "Wanna see a bitch? Look in the mirror."_

_Debbie got in my face and said, "Oh yeah? You're just sore that your mom loves her new husband more than she loves you."_

_I yelled in her face, "Go ahead! Push me, punch me, slap me! Just fucking do it so I can beat your ass right here, right now!"_

_Debbie rolled her eyes and lightly pushed me back an inch. "That all you got?" I screeched._

_My fist coiled back and struck out, faster than a cobra. It caught her in the jaw, which caused her to turn slightly and tumble onto her butt. With a wordless roar, she grabbed me and we were tumbling on the floor, punching and pulling hair. It took four teachers to pull us apart, and even then they had a hard time holding me. The principal, Mrs. Brennan, came and said, "What is the matter with you two?"_

_Debbie said innocently, "I was just talking to Pam and she came over and started trash-talking me."_

_I glared and then said, "I was talking with my friends and I heard someone make a snide remark about Debbie saying my mom doesn't love me. So, I went and started talking, and Debbie made the same remark. She pushed me, and I defended myself."_

_Lyla piped up, eyes large and innocent, "I heard the comment, and watched the whole thing, Mrs. Brennan."_

_Jess smiled her prize-winning smile and said, "I agree with Lyla. Bella is innocent. Debbie's the one who started it, as usual."_

_Mrs. Brennan said, "I have only their word, but I feel it is sound. Ms. Kramer __**(AN: Debbie, coz her last name is Kramer)**__, you will be suspended for one week, which means you'll be back on Thursday of next week. Ms. Swan, you will have two days of after-school detention starting tomorrow. Ms. Kramer, come with me and we'll call your parents."_

_With a glare, Debbie flitted after our elderly principal. When they left, all five of us burst into cheers. Derek handed the camera to Lyla and clapped me on the back. He cheered, "Well done, Bells! You've slain the witch!"_

_I joked, "She'll be back to making snide remarks by Thursday."_

_Jess said, "But until then, we rejoice! Nicely played! I'm taking everyone for ice cream tonight, my treat."_

_Everyone cheered again and the camera shut off._

Emmett whooped, "Damn, my little sister's a scrapper!"

I went red. Esme scolded, "Language, Emmett."

"Sorry, mom."

Alice trilled, "She deserved it! Your mother loves you, Bells. How could anyone doubt it?"

I grimaced, "It was during Renee and Phil's—" I cleared my throat uncomfortably. "—'honeymoon phase'. They... uh... were sort of oblivious to the outside world, including me. So... yeah..."

That was the end of that one. Jasper went and picked one, reading the label aloud, "This one's called _Bella Has A Nervous Breakdown_."

There were snickers.

_I paced back and forth across Lyla's bedroom, grumbling incoherent thoughts and twisting my fingers. The camera was set down and Lyla entered the picture. She asked, "Okay, spill. What's up?"_

_I kept pacing and mumbled, "It's a guy."_

_Lyla pushed, "What'd he do?"_

_I faltered for a second and then picked up speed. "Uhhh... It's not just the dude. It's me, as well."_

_Lyla sat down and sighed, "Spill."_

_I stopped and said, my sentences blurring together from the speed I was talking at, "Well, I walked into Bio my first day and there was this dude, major hot and really—I don't know—sorta mysterious. So I sat down beside him and introduced myself. You know me, I'm really nice and really positive. He just replied that his name was Edward and it's like he was mad—no, enraged!—at me. It was sorta scary 'cause he kept glaring at me. But underneath all that, what was even weirder, I felt like electricity was running between us. And I got the whirlies in my stomach, like you've said you get around Derek. I can't believe it, Ly! I'm falling for this guy."_

_Lyla blinked once and said, "Wow, Bells. I think you're going a wee bit loco... I mean, it took me a month or two of knowing Derek to get the whirlies in my stomach. Bells, I've heard of this in only extreme cases. This might be The One."_

_I sat down on her bed and burried my face in my hands. I moaned into my hands, "But he hates me! Please tell me what to do!"_

_Lyla blinked, this time in surprise, and demanded, "Why the hell are you asking me? I don't know!"_

_I lifted my head and said sarcastically, "Thanks, Lyla. Thanks a lot."_

_Lyla slung her arm around me and said, "Ah, don't worry 'bout it at all, Bells. It'll all work out. Trust me."_

_I grumbled, "Never trust someone that says 'trust me'."_

_We laughed and the screen went black._

Emmett laughed loudly and said, "Jeez, Eddie! You cause the girl a nervous breakdown!"

I flushed red and everyone laughed at my expense.

**That's that! Hope you enjoyed it!  
~TWC~**


	4. Chapter 4

"Here we go," Rosalie said as she pulled a tape out. "This one's _I Told You So_."

_The video started with me and Mary glaring at each other, standing in an empty classroom in school. I snapped, "Just tell the dude already! You like him, big chiz! TELL HIM! Most guys like you to make the first move. Okay? Just effing tell him!"_

_Mary snarled, "No way! If he rejects me, what will happen? You don't seem to know so I'll tell you. I will be beyond crushed. I mean killed, stomped on, ran through a shredder, burned, and crushed again! I WILL NOT TELL HIM!"_

_I grabbed her shoulders and shook her as I said, "He won't reject you! I see how he looks at you, Mary! Just be a woman and tell him!"_

_Her eyes got wide. She whispered, "Do you really think so?"_

_I nodded and Mary grinned. The screen went black and white writing scrolled across: TIME SKIP! 30 MINUTES!_

_The screen switched back to the school, but this time we were in the girls' bathroom. Mary was hugging me tightly and I was smirking. When she let go, I said, "I told you so, Mary."_

_We laughed and the video ended._

Everyone was barely containing laughter. I frowned. Esme picked this time. She read, "This one is called _Linger_."

I groaned. I remembered that one.

_I was crying my eyes out as I looked into the camera. You could see me sitting on my bed, a guitar across my lap. I sniffled, "Well, this is it. My life is over. I have no friends, I have no family that understands me, and my love is gone. I feel like dying."_

_I sighed and continued, "Before I do decide anything drastic, I'm going to play a little tune on my guitar and sing to it. This is _Linger_."_

_**If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade.**_

I'm sure I'm not being rude, but it's just your attitude,  
It's tearing me apart, It's ruining everything.

I swore, I swore I would be true, and honey, so did you.  
So why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand?  
Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?

But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.  
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.  
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,  
Do you have to let it linger?

Oh, I thought the world of you.  
I thought nothing could go wrong,  
But I was wrong. I was wrong.  
If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie,  
Things wouldn't be so confused and I wouldn't feel so used,  
But you always really knew, I just wanna be with you.

But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.  
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.  
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,  
Do you have to let it linger?

And I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.  
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.  
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,  
Do you have to let it linger?

You know I'm such a fool for you.  
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.  
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,  
Do you have to let it linger?

_I let the final note ring out and sighed, "That was _Linger_ by The Cranberries. It doesn't completely fit, with it being about a guy cheating, but it gets my message across. Why does he have to linger?"_

_Then, the video went black._

Edward pulled me to him and kissed my forehead. He murmured, "I'm sorry, love."

I closed my eyes and said, "There's nothing to forgive."

I pulled my knees up to my chest and muttered, "At least that's not the other video. I did one other of me singing, and it's really embarassing."

Emmett and Alice exchanged conspirital glances and Alice smirked, "I guess we'll have to find it, then."

Lovely.

**Alright, that's that! R&R  
~TWC~**


	5. Chapter 5

Luckily, the Dynamic Duo (AKA: Alice & Emmett) didn't find it, so they went for an equally embarassing one. Alice read the label, "_The Great Googlewhack Quest_."

_"Okay, okay! What do _you_ suggest we do, Bella?" called Lyla from my bed as she munched on popcorn._

_I shrugged and continued spinning in the chair by my desk. Mary yelled, barging in, "I bring soda and ideas! It's time for the hunt for a Googlewhack."_

_I raised an eyebrow and questioned, "What's a Googlewhack?"_

_Jess came out of my closet—Lord only knows what she was doing in there—and said, "A Googlewhack is where you go and type two words in the Google search and keep at it until you get one with exactly one hit!"_

_I sighed, "Please don't tell me that, even if I say no, you'll do it anyway."_

_They all grinned. I turned around and ordered, "Tell me what to search!"_

_Mary mumbled, "Try 'Armani armpit'."_

_Lyla groaned after a moment, "Awww! One-hundred-and-eighteen thousand hits!"_

_Jess commanded, "Type in 'materialistic diarrhea'."_

_I made a face as I complied. No luck. 491,000 hits. Next up was 'encyclopedia lackadaisical'. That one had 67,600. 'Adjunct puggle' came up with 71,300. 'Wiccan aardwolf' had 13,600. 'Obsequious wasp' had 96,800. 'Asterisk Jovani' had 11,600. 'Googlewhack sandwich' came up with 10,500. 'Anticlimactic oxymoron' had 18,600. 'Jellybeans anticlimactic' had 3,570! We crossed that one out, though, after discovering 'jellybeans' was actually two words. Another hour of random phrases later, we gave up._

_I announced to the camera, "So ends our Googlewhack adventure! That was so much fun!"_

_Then, the camera shut off._

There was silence for a moment and then Esme asked, "What's the point?"

I shrugged and replied, "I never truly figured it out myself. It was just something to do because we were bored."

Emmett and (surprisingly) Jasper chorused, "I've gotta try that!"

I rolled my eyes as Carlisle found the next tape. He read the label of the tape, "_7th Grade Winter Formal_."

I groaned. Lovely.

_The video started with me and Lyla walking into the gym from the hallway outside __**(AN: I'm modeling it after my school dance, so don't knock the description)**__. The bleachers had been pushed back and mats were spread all over to make sure there was traction not provided by the waxed floor. Loud rap music came through the speakers, and Lyla immediately went over to the request area. She was there for about thirty seconds before I dragged her off. Up next came in Jess and Mary, talking and laughing as they made their way over to us. We danced for awhile before a certain song came on. Jess crowed, "It's our song!"_

_The song was L.O.V.E. by Ashley Simpson. We each let out a squeal and the trio linked hands, standing around me and dancing like that as I danced in the middle._

_**All my girls stand in a circle  
And clap your hands  
This is for you  
Ups and downs; highs and lows  
No matter when, we'll make it through!**_

_We each began singing very poorly to it, and everyone suddenly joined the circle, and made their own. Lyla lept inside with me and we danced together perfectly, looking like polar opposites the whole time. When the song ended, there was a round of applause and the video ended._

**Bada bing, bada boom! That's that! Hope you likey!  
~TWC~  
"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid."  
"I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."**


	6. Chapter 6

"That can't be all the videos!" Emmett whined as Alice dug through the box.

She shrugged, "That was all of them. Sorry."

I sighed. Lucky for me, Lyla hadn't sent _all_ the videos. There was some pretty embarassing stuff in some of the videos. I grumbled, "Yay."

That earned me a glare from both Alice and Emmett. Alice finally squealed, "Wait! There's one last one, labeled _Message_."

I hadn't heard of that one. Alice put it in and it started.

_Jess and Mary were sitting on a couch and Lyla came around, sitting between them. Lyla waved to the camera, "Hi, Bellsy! If you can see this, it means you've opened the package. We miss you girlie!"_

_Mary grinned, "Hey, hun. I can't believe it's been a year since we saw you. Remember when we met? It was in band class in seventh grade, where we were both attempting and failing to play clarinet. We went up to Ms. Williams, asked to go to the bathroom, and just goofed off until a couple minutes 'til the bell."_

_Jess broke in then, "Bellsby, I don't know if you remember when we first spotted each other, but I sure do! It was in gym in eighth grade. Remember how they did the warm-ups beforehand where we walk and jog around the gym? Well, you were walking all alone and I came up to you and we started talking. We were friends within a minute!"_

_Lyla spoke again, "Hey, Bells. I've known you since since sixth grade. We met in homeroom, it was Ms. Christopher's class. She gave us time to find seat partners and yours was the only one open. So I took the seat and we bonded really quickly. We had everything in common; from music, to food, to hobbies, to TV. I love ya, you weird-o."_

_They each echoed her statement and they all blew kisses to the camera. Then, the video ended._

When it finished, I was half-crying and half-smiling. I missed them so much. When I pulled myself together, Alice chirped, "I sense a road trip coming on!"

As much as I missed the girls, I did _not_ want to see how Alice would wrangle a trip to Phoenix. Maybe I never would.

**It's the end... I'll miss this story! Hope you liked it!  
~TWC~  
"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid."  
"I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."**


End file.
